Why did we allow it to happen…. where did we loose our way?

Tell me? i thought we were strong enough to hold each other forever…..

I always wanted it to be you…. Forever

But look at us now💔

“Maybe I’ll just wait for that day that you will realize that I am not like anyone else you’ve met. I will just wait for that moment to hit you and make you think that I am the thing you lost that you’re not capable to find in someone else. Perhaps, you thought you could replace me by trying things that you never did when you’re with me and you thought you could find it in different set of eyes and hands who will trace which part of your body needs comfort. You will try to change the colors of your walls, rearrange things hoping you could throw away my echoing laughter out from the window. You will try to erase every memory that taunts you to think about how happy we were, when my hands crawled on your tired body when I needed a hug every past midnight and when I stared at you when I can’t sleep. You will try to get rid of the color of my eyes when you stir your coffee in the morning, and how it only took you and me alone to define simple pleasures in life.
But you will remember me.
Perhaps you will remember me when you realized that nobody is capable to ascend to that fucking staircase and run to your side when you have troubles amassing your broken self, someone who will talk to you calmly when you’re made up of roaring anger, when you come to think that nobody will listen to how much you miss your father, how you hated your workmates, how you wished you could just stay away from your home. I want you to remember how my name once meant relief to your misery, when you only wanted silence as a response to your anxieties. You will remember me when you realize that the new people you met are capable to give you alibis and you will recall how I can’t say no to you because I had always been excited spending weekends with you. You will miss me when you have come to collect the truth that nobody is capable to lie to his parents just to spend a night with you, just to accompany you when you wanted to escape your reality.
Perhaps, it will take you a long time to come and think about that, and maybe happiness from new things and new people is your kind of ecstasy. And I understand. I understand why you closed yourself to try things with me again, that it became so easy for you to completely shut me out when I tried reaching out to tell you I am willing to change and give second chances and that I regretted leaving things behind.
I don’t want you to remember me when you have everything, when you have all the energy to show people your possitivity —when you’re busy and enjoying life. I want you to remember me when the night stood still, when you lay yourself to bed under dim lights. I want you to remember me when the world outside is tired of understanding you.
I don’t want you to remember me when you’re happy.
I want you to remember me when you’re sad. Like before.”

❤—>💔

Sometimes, I find myself silently praying I could turn back the days when it was still me whom you loved the most. And also sometimes, I found myself laughing in between these tears and tight chest — questioning why I am still holding on to a memory that should better be forgotten. I don’t know why it keeps hurting when I should’ve hated you for leaving me with no prior notice. I don’t know why I allowed my world to stop revolving just because you’re no longer here with me.
You see, I still deal with all of these alone and no matter how much I wished I could escape everything, I can’t see a way out. It’s like being stuck in a room with no sight of starting over again with myself. I still face them every day —your aftermath, your ruins, your storms and your lies. I still wonder why it hurts the same when time was supposed to help me heal.
Maybe along all these destructions, I had hidden a part of me somewhere that I could no longer locate. I felt lost and my compass kept telling there’s no way I could go back. Maybe you’re the only one who made me happy to the point that it feels so empty the day you left. Maybe you’re the one who understood me the most that’s why I feel like a stray person never knowing where to go. Maybe, you’re the only one who kept me whole that’s why I don’t know how to pick myself up when you broke me and maybe —just another pathetic maybe, you gave so much of yourself in me that I started knowing you more than I know myself. And I keep searching for you. I keep collecting everything that shows signs of your remnants. I keep running after the same bus of memories and keep staring at the picture frame with your unhappy face. I keep wandering through my wonders hoping someday soon, I will meet you once again. And you’ll forgive me for emptying you.
I sometimes find myself wanting to be lost forever hoping one day, you’ll find yourself searching for me too

Eternal love❤

“Maybe we just met a little too earlier before. I thought we still have more time in the future and that love could wait until fate would allow us to meet again. I didn’t know why you suddenly vanished. I didn’t know why you’re suddenly out of reach. You just disappeared, and so did I. We both walked on different roads hoping we will get to bury the past. All I knew back then was that we suddenly drifted apart.
And after so many years, meeting you once again after a long time comes a little too late. Suddenly, we were running out of time. We found ourselves in between wanting to pause the moment or turn back the time that we lost. We’re just right there, watching life gave us the worst cards of bad timing and shrill regrets. I clung onto my dreams so much. I dream I could hold you close and tell you I don’t want to lose you ever again. And that I would do everything to fill in the chances that we wasted. I dream we get to spend more years building the life that I have imagined, in that house we planned for us to live. with our Musyoka and Stella, the two copyrights borne of us. I dream we could have more walks at our favourite mountain spots together as we hold each other’s hand. I wish I was given a longer time to make you happy, to make you feel loved. I wish I didn’t push you away while I was hurting or that I chased you harder if that would mean staying by your side. I dream we are granted to have time to spend together because I have so many plans for us and I know that you too as well.
Maybe in another life, we will bump on each other’s path again. Maybe my heart will recognize you and will never let you go. Maybe in the next life, we will love endlessly and pain-free where I am no longer worried about when I am going to lose you, or when you will start remembering me. I wish, when we meet again someday, we’ll be happier and do the things we never did. We will be reckless, untamed and just be who we really are. Could you wait for me for a little while? Please wait for me until our time’s right. One day, I will no longer wake up hating the mornings for taking away my reality.”

• Yours truly
• Sweety

loading….. its a journey. took a break but back to it

I spent the last few weeks thinking about how you’ve been. Although it was you who ended us, I was still there — hoping it will not hurt you the same way it did to me. Although it was you who fell out of love first, I spent so many sleepless nights praying that you’ll have a good night sleep. Although it was you who turned cold and distant in an instant, I silently wished you’re okay. My worries and concern towards you towered my anger, my clichéd questions and doubts.
Maybe I got so used loving you for the longest time. I got so used loving you with all of my heart and that I was giving too much, I always wanted to make sure you are in better and comfortable place even it means, I have to endure silent heartaches and ignore the screaming signs.
Maybe you didn’t love me anymore, and you tried your hardest to show it. But I refused to read between the lines because I was afraid that it would remind me that our last page is just around a few remaining flips. Maybe that’s why I still reread the chapters where I was happy loving you. Maybe it is the only thing that keeps me going —loving you. Maybe someday soon, when our tale slowly wore out, I will find the courage to forgive myself for loving too much.
One day, just like you — I will wake up and no longer having the reason to stay will be my reason.

• Nesta

It was the december holiday, as usual the festivities in it made it look abit short than usual. Each and every day i talked to my guardian angel, the bond grew stronger every passing minute. The urge to see her once again kept on disturbing me, but i kept it on hold. Music helped to cope as i patiently waited for school to resume for the January semester.

Days turned to weeks and school resumed. Students flocked the schools nearby Town KV, some shopping for books and other necessities while others travelling to Campus to try and secure a room in the hostels. First years and second years were more priotised in the awarding of rooms since they were not well acquinted with the neigbouring enviroment. My guardian angel was one of the few third years who secured a place in the hostels. While me on the other side was still at home enjoying “Mwaka Mweu”. In our village “Mwaka Mweu was characterised by the “beans ripening”, a direct translation from the local dialect “Mboso nisyiwie” .This was a season where Beans were in plenty and every homestead you couldnt lack a meal of the same everyday.

My plan was to resume school one week after other students had reported. This was because the first week was characterised by few study activities since the students and even the lecturers were still tuning their minds back to study mode.

One evening, midweek of the first week after schools had opened, i received a call from this le crush. The call made me abit nervous since it was unusual for her to call me in the evening. I picked her call and talked to her for some minutes before she said something to me that made me *jump in joy* . She said she missed me and wanted to see me the next day if possible….. weeh! “ndueke wone indi”

Boychild was so energised to the point that i planned to resume school next day. It wasnt in my plans to resume school this early but when the annointed angel decides, who am i to say NO. I packed my bags and sneaked to the kitchen to talk to my mama on my immediate change of plans. She was abit inqusitive on why i had changed my resuming day so fast but i couldnt master the courage to tell her the reason behind this. I mubbled….. ‘Mariga amepeana Cat 1 na lazima niivie’

Mama was so understanding, she gave me some pocket money to keep me going through the semester and also bought me a bus ticked to the Campus Love City, KV. That day i had a long night as i anticipated meeting my queen. I fantasized for some hours before sleep finally took me to slumber land.

In the morning i woke up and prepared myself in a hurry, all this was unlike me since i was an evening person. All my school days i used to start my journey in the evening inorder to arrive before night fall. But this was different, it all felt different. Within an hour, i was sitted in a bus ready for this journey to the promised land. Le Crush had promised to tell me something once i arrived at KV and this was what was pushing me to start this journey early enough.

Hours later i arrived in the Famous City in Kitui County, KV. It was the second largest city After Kalundu* .Kalundu used to be the capital city of Kitui county. Kv was characterised by numerous student activities, the saved ones like me attending crusades while the spoilt ones like Mwendwa, a close friend of mine partying all day and night in clubs around. The serene climate in KV was well suited for students and even those staying in the school hostels yearned daily to have a glimse of how it feels to spend a night in KV City.

I strolled to my house to store my bags and suitcases before making a call to her highness. On giving her a call, she explained to me how her wait for me me at Kv was cut short by an urgent issue she had to sort out back in school. I wasnt convinced by the explanation but i was patient enough to wait for the next day as we had planned a date at G Square…..

…it took us 1 hour to reach Macha City where we were supposed to board another vehicle to our home town. Through out the journey i had tried to steal glances to my crush sitted next to me, atleast to see if she would notice me and remember that we had met before. But she appeared undisturbed even my greetings received a coldly response without her even checking who it came from. was she shy? uninterested?

Many questions lingered in mind but i brushed them aside and gave myself hope that it was still too early for me to judge.

After alighting from the stage at Macha City, the second miracle happened. God just likes suprising me. le crush finally talked to me. She asked me to board the same vehicle with her and give her company as we embarked on the final journey home. WOW! WOW!

The Son of Stella couldnt hide the excitement, you know how shy guys get excited, the shy smile… yes,the one you thinking of right now. I even had to give myself a pinch on my left arm to make sure that i wasnt dreaming. that all this was reality. Destiny had started to take its course…. check the pace

The vehicle was full in a few minutes and off we were on road to Tala, the capital city of Macha City. Sitted beside me was my soulmate, Girl so good,yaani kelitu kaseo vyu. kindu kithianu…weeh! So i mastered a little confidence and started a convo with this darling beside me, she caught the convo well and kept it going. In no time we were giggling and laughing like people who had known each other for years. They say love conquers all…

I made a compliment about two bracelets she had on her hand…

Me: ni tuzuri…

City: asante, my mama gave them to me

Me: nipatie moja

City: Hapana, they are special to me

Me: Sawa

The journey took us 40 minutes to reach to Tala. We alighted and i helped her carry her bags to the nearest Boda boda stage where she was to take a “Nduthi” home, as we call it in our native language. I bade her Goodbye and promised to give her a call later to confirm her arrival home.

Minutes later i also took a boda boda home, but this Mama’s Boy couldnt hide the joy. Happiness was written all over my face. Even Mama questioned me the source of all the excitement and all i said was…..

“mum huwezi jua wewe😉”

nobody plans to fall in love,it just happens,unexpectedly and randomly without any warning…. thats how mine started.

since the first day i lay my eyes on her, something unexplainable happened to me. i started having dreams of us together, her by my side. she had a charm that my heart couldnt resist, her cute voice, her bubbly smile, she was everything i yearned to be in my patner, she was my soulmate

it happened one day as i was running my daily errands i met her with a friend of a friend who introduced me to her, i managed to have some few minutes talk with her…. i needed her number, but the fear of rejection overcame the crush force for her. i let her go without even knowing whether i would ever see her again. But hope of winning her became my consolation…. i even prayed to God to help me meet her again. You dont believe that?

well i did it, and the Almighty answered…. i met her again in the market as i was on a mission to cater for my breakfast urges. this time she wore a blue kitamba on her hair, a black and white doted skirt and stockings accustomed with some reddish shoes. i have always remembered how she looked on this day because it was the day our love began…

we exchanged pleasantries and promised to travel home together the next day even though we had no way to communicate and plan on the same. i lost the second chance to ask for number again, regrets filled my mind. But God had a plan, so the next day at around lunch time, i prepared myself and in a few minutes i was ready to start my journey home. i took a walk and cought the next ma3 at the stage. only 2 passengers were needed to fill thee vehicle so i managed to secure a seat at the back and one more remained just next to me.

And then God did it again… look ooh what a miracle in daylight. on looking at outside i saw my guardian angel coming towards the ma3. she boarded the ma3 and in no time she was seated next to me. Oh my…. i said a silent prayer to God for granting me another chance… even though she didnt recognise me the moment she sat next to me, i still was happy on seeing her next to me.

The weather was sunny and the blazing sun gave us no peace, it was sweaty all over and we all yearned for the journey to start so that we could get some fresh breeze. in a few minutes the journey started…..

Here is my story….

am Nesta, and City was my true love. she was my soul mate and still is…..

….thats where NestaCity is born. A dream of a Empire cut short.