I spent the last few weeks thinking about how you’ve been. Although it was you who ended us, I was still there — hoping it will not hurt you the same way it did to me. Although it was you who fell out of love first, I spent so many sleepless nights praying that you’ll have a good night sleep. Although it was you who turned cold and distant in an instant, I silently wished you’re okay. My worries and concern towards you towered my anger, my clichéd questions and doubts.
Maybe I got so used loving you for the longest time. I got so used loving you with all of my heart and that I was giving too much, I always wanted to make sure you are in better and comfortable place even it means, I have to endure silent heartaches and ignore the screaming signs.
Maybe you didn’t love me anymore, and you tried your hardest to show it. But I refused to read between the lines because I was afraid that it would remind me that our last page is just around a few remaining flips. Maybe that’s why I still reread the chapters where I was happy loving you. Maybe it is the only thing that keeps me going —loving you. Maybe someday soon, when our tale slowly wore out, I will find the courage to forgive myself for loving too much.
One day, just like you — I will wake up and no longer having the reason to stay will be my reason.
- Nesta
