Read between the lines

I thought that out of all the other people I met, you’ll turn to be the only person who knew me best. I thought the years we spent with each other through ups and downs were enough for you to know me well. You see, when I said I loved you before it meant I was willing to turn myself away from what the world has wanted me to take —you’re the only choice I never stopped taking over and over again. You became the only person who picked me too no matter how dry the chances of us were. We stood with each other for so long that I mistakenly thought you memorized me that much and that you knew my silence meant something and I could only collapse it down every time you never stopped asking me what’s wrong, that I am always the soft one who cries myself to sleep every time I recall how I hurt you unintentionally and how we always begin the mornings with bawled eyes and forgiveness. You knew I scream when my heart was full of anger but I always stitch you back once again with my apologies and promises. You knew how I value trust and privacy that every time I see you break it, I break myself more evenly so I would blame myself for being too reckless and trusty. You knew I am cold on some nights but it only takes one call and one afternoon date to bring back the warmth of our love. You knew there are days when I am too distant for a reach out but you’re the only body I wanted to sleep next to with every night. We won so many fights that strengthened us and lost so many bad memories.
We had on and off days but you saw how I tried my hardest to find my way back to you when my mind was no longer clouded by my own self-issues. I thought you knew me that much, that I am always taking times up if necessary, that I always take a moment to think over from my changed feelings but I will always puzzle myself back together so I could tell you that I am back to my old shape again and we could start again. I thought you knew me more than the world that you became too expert to understand me over and over again because you knew my heart knows nobody but only you.
But somehow, I realized that you grew tired understanding me. You grew tired waiting for my seasons to change. You grew tired hoping I was just the consistent one instead. You grew tired trying to disentangle my dark thoughts and grew tired humming my sadness out from me. Suddenly, you grew tired fighting for your love for me because you realized you could start with someone else instead of forcing things that sometimes grew out of your control.
Just when I learned to put myself back together, willing to love you once more. Just when I thought we could start again from the tatters because that’s how I cope with things I don’t understand until I learned to understand —you suddenly stopped welcoming the chances of us. Perhaps, our memories didn’t carry substance at all for you, or probably, you only saw your sacrifices just to have me.
I thought if there’s someone out there who knows me better than anyone — I used to be so confident to say that it’s you.
But I was wrong.
Maybe you just didnt know me that well at all.

From a soulmate